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After reading Cookie's blog, I got very curious about the aspects of poly relationships. I know deep in my heart I could never agree to this. I am a very open individual when it comes to sexual things, but when it comes to a serious relationship, I guess I'm pretty closed minded. I believe that you should only be intimate... in any way... with the one person you are with.
Now this doesn't mean that I don't fantasize about other things. At one time I thought I'd like to have a three way relationship. To have a husband and gf. See I do find both sexes very sexy. I can get turned on thinking of men or thinking of women. I even had a friend I use to play with. We would kiss, fondle each other, even went as far as doing 69 with her. So I figured that I was bi, and my best bet was to be in a relationship where I could enjoy the best of both worlds so to speak.
But the older i get, the more time I take to think about it. I think that kind of stuff is better left to fantasy. I do believe in trying to make fantasies a reality, but never at the expense of true happiness for everyone involved. To me I don't think I could ever be truly happy, if I had to share. To me, sharing just means I'm not good enough.. I don't satisfy him enough. You see I guess I like to think that I am all he will ever need, I will be his number 1.... and not tied at number 1....but his number 1 by far.
Maybe if i was single, a roll in the hay in a threesome would be appealing if i wasn't attached to either. But I'm married, and he chose me... chose to marry me.. only me.. This means a lot to me. He chooses to only do intimate things with ME. Even just the idea of me being the only one he tells his secrets to is fascinating. I AM the only one he trusts in the whole world to be so open with, so vulnerable. this is the biggest gift one person can give to another and if it wasn't just being given to me... it wouldn't be as special.
These of course are my own personal feelings and beliefs. To each his own, I like to say. If someone can be truly happy in a poly relationship, then go for it, be happy. I think there are individuals that are happy in a poly relationship... but I would have to guess that the majority are only excited and content about it. By this I mean, it's new, it brings flavor to the relationship. Sure they may have hurt feelings and feel 'less then' sometimes, but to them what they get out of a poly relationship... the good things.. are worth going through the other things.
For me that 'less then' feeling that I would imagine many in poly relationships must feel is one of the worst feelings to have from the one you love.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Kids (2)- school activities
Today I attended after school activities of some of the kids. One activity was a singing program. It was so cute, I had particular interest in the ... *merocca player and the one playing a bush. So very cute, I enjoyed myself thoroughly. I took pics and videos. The other activity was a sporting event. My kid did well, and I'm very proud. My voice is a lil horse from yelling and cheering!
It was a late night, got home around 9 i think. Kids are just now eating dinner. O.O Very quick dinner, sandwiches :P
*sorry don't know how to spell moracca? morracca? meroca? merroca? lol the things ya shake that sounds like they have beeds in them.
It was a late night, got home around 9 i think. Kids are just now eating dinner. O.O Very quick dinner, sandwiches :P
*sorry don't know how to spell moracca? morracca? meroca? merroca? lol the things ya shake that sounds like they have beeds in them.
Husband Woe's (3) - In heaven :D
Well I must say that yesterday was wonderful.
We were very intimate all day and night. Having sex twice.
He showed me so much attention all day, paying particular attention to my ass, which of course I LOVE!! It works out well, because he loves my ass, and always shows particular attention to it when he's feeling frisky.
After a rough start with trying to bring his kink into play, I was finally able to preform while we were in the shower. Which he loved!!
I must also add that yesterday something else happened that doesn't happen all that often but when it does, man oh man, am i happy.
I was being very shy about asking him a question concerning his kink, and he is usually just as shy so he usually just lets it go. But this time when I chickened out and wasn't going to ask him.. he grabbed my ass. Pinching.... A little at first, telling me to ask the question. I said no, and he increased the pressure. Usually he will just give up, but not this time. This time he just kept doing it harder, until I had no choice but to tell what my question was. Now some people might think this is mean of him.... BUT Let me tell ya something.. this makes me so wet. I'm a bit of a submissive person, although at times I have to be the one in control for circumstances. But I love when my man takes complete control over me that way. I like a little bit of pain as well. Not alot, like I'd never want to be seriously hurt. But a lil ass pain now and then is good... very good :P So with one action, he hit on two of my kinks... two of my BIG kinks, and let me just tell you it was glorious :P
I had to run to the store later that night, and sitting in the car on the way to the store, I could still feel the pain in my ass. It was great. I felt like I still had him with me, even though he was back at home. It was a wonderful reminder of what a great day we had. Today my ass doesn't hurt at all, although I can still feel where he pinched if I sit a certain way. And I love that feeling!!
Another thing he did last night, which he's never done before, but i've asked him to many times. In the shower first, then later in the bedroom. He stood naked in the shower, and i went on my knees to take him in my mouth. Usually he is so gentle, he would never be forceful without alot of prompting. But last night he did put his hands on the back of my head, holding my head , so his dick is deep in my throat, then was fucking my mouth... ohhhhh i love it. Again, it's the submissive thing i love about it. Usually i just take him in my mouth and it's my head that moves back and forth, with very very light pressure on the back of my head by his hands. But last night.... ohhhh it was perfect. Once in the shower then once with me on the bed and him standing in front of it... Oh i just love it when he fucks my face :D
My ultimate goal is to get him to keep getting braver and braver, more sure of himself, so that way he's not so shy to do things like this with me.
Wish me luck on my conquest :P
We were very intimate all day and night. Having sex twice.
He showed me so much attention all day, paying particular attention to my ass, which of course I LOVE!! It works out well, because he loves my ass, and always shows particular attention to it when he's feeling frisky.
After a rough start with trying to bring his kink into play, I was finally able to preform while we were in the shower. Which he loved!!
I must also add that yesterday something else happened that doesn't happen all that often but when it does, man oh man, am i happy.
I was being very shy about asking him a question concerning his kink, and he is usually just as shy so he usually just lets it go. But this time when I chickened out and wasn't going to ask him.. he grabbed my ass. Pinching.... A little at first, telling me to ask the question. I said no, and he increased the pressure. Usually he will just give up, but not this time. This time he just kept doing it harder, until I had no choice but to tell what my question was. Now some people might think this is mean of him.... BUT Let me tell ya something.. this makes me so wet. I'm a bit of a submissive person, although at times I have to be the one in control for circumstances. But I love when my man takes complete control over me that way. I like a little bit of pain as well. Not alot, like I'd never want to be seriously hurt. But a lil ass pain now and then is good... very good :P So with one action, he hit on two of my kinks... two of my BIG kinks, and let me just tell you it was glorious :P
I had to run to the store later that night, and sitting in the car on the way to the store, I could still feel the pain in my ass. It was great. I felt like I still had him with me, even though he was back at home. It was a wonderful reminder of what a great day we had. Today my ass doesn't hurt at all, although I can still feel where he pinched if I sit a certain way. And I love that feeling!!
Another thing he did last night, which he's never done before, but i've asked him to many times. In the shower first, then later in the bedroom. He stood naked in the shower, and i went on my knees to take him in my mouth. Usually he is so gentle, he would never be forceful without alot of prompting. But last night he did put his hands on the back of my head, holding my head , so his dick is deep in my throat, then was fucking my mouth... ohhhhh i love it. Again, it's the submissive thing i love about it. Usually i just take him in my mouth and it's my head that moves back and forth, with very very light pressure on the back of my head by his hands. But last night.... ohhhh it was perfect. Once in the shower then once with me on the bed and him standing in front of it... Oh i just love it when he fucks my face :D
My ultimate goal is to get him to keep getting braver and braver, more sure of himself, so that way he's not so shy to do things like this with me.
Wish me luck on my conquest :P
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Kids (1)- Intro/sick
As I mentioned, I am a mother. In order to keep anonymity, I will not express the kids' names, ages or sex. However on occasion I do like to vent, brag, boast about them :P While in this blog I will only refer to them as; one of the kids, the kids, etc, I wish to express how unique and special each one is :) Each one means the world to me and each one has his/her own set of quirks and conundrums.
At this time all the kids are sick to some degree. One is at home from school because of strep throat. I will be calling the doctor again today to make appts for the others, suspecting they probably have the same thing.
Other then the illnesses they suffer at the moment, each is doing well. Grades vary from excellent to satisfactory, behaviors are typical of their age, and health is overall good. As I have mentioned in my husband woes post... their biggest complaint could only be their relationship to their step-dad. Hopefully this will change.
Tomorrow I have two school events to attend, the times conflict, and I'm still not sure which I should attend, I don't want to show favoritism and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Guess I'll figure it out.....
At this time all the kids are sick to some degree. One is at home from school because of strep throat. I will be calling the doctor again today to make appts for the others, suspecting they probably have the same thing.
Other then the illnesses they suffer at the moment, each is doing well. Grades vary from excellent to satisfactory, behaviors are typical of their age, and health is overall good. As I have mentioned in my husband woes post... their biggest complaint could only be their relationship to their step-dad. Hopefully this will change.
Tomorrow I have two school events to attend, the times conflict, and I'm still not sure which I should attend, I don't want to show favoritism and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Guess I'll figure it out.....
Monday, April 27, 2009
Husband Woe's (2)- Rough start, nice finish
Well over the weekend, we had a rough start with intimate side of our relationship. First night he went all day playing a game on his computer. Several times me mentioning that I want his attention after dinner. When dinner ended, he kept right on playing his game, so I tried to grab his attention. Sitting bare bottom on his back as he laid on his belly playing his game. This seemed to have no affect, so I shyly suggested doing his kink. He didn't refuse, but yet seemed very nonchalant about the whole thing and kept right on playing his game. He did stop playing his game, long enough for us to watch a movie together, but then decided at 2 in the morning, he hadn't had enough of his game. He reached for his mouse, and I tried to grab it from him, but he just got upset with me. So I thought 'forget it', turned over and tried to go to bed. He didn't stay on his game long, and was laying close and rubbing my butt, while I tried hard to ignore him. He didn't seem to react to me being upset, so I sat up abruptly letting him know something was wrong. He asked what the matter was, and I replied "you". Then I went on to explain how he had been ignoring me, and again making feel as if he is not attracted to me. He got mad and stormed out of the room. Went to the living room and sat on the sofa in the dark.
I was so upset, Thinking, why would he react this way, when he's the one who hurt me. Eventually I swallowed my pride and went out to talk to him. He had fallen asleep!!! Now I know this was after three in the morning, but it's the worst thing you can do in my opinion. Fall asleep while your significant other is terribly hurt or upset, especially when you are the cause of it. So I grabbed my keys and left. Really I just wanted to get out of the house to have a good cry and scream a little, without any witnesses. I was gone for less then 20 minutes, and was surprised to see that he had gone out looking for me. Sometimes I feel like he doesn't show very many feelings of caring, so for him to leave and look for me was a pleasant surprise, and calmed me down right away.
We went back to the bedroom and talked, he finally started to understand how he had made me feel, and felt bad about choosing his game over me. We did end up getting intimate, with a tiny bit of his kink play. The next night went well, with him staying away from his game and giving me a lot of his time. We were intimate again, which is surprising seeing as usually at least three days go in between if not a lot longer. I'm wondering as I sit here if I can convince him to go for three nights in a row?? I'm doubtful, but hopeful at the same time.
I was so upset, Thinking, why would he react this way, when he's the one who hurt me. Eventually I swallowed my pride and went out to talk to him. He had fallen asleep!!! Now I know this was after three in the morning, but it's the worst thing you can do in my opinion. Fall asleep while your significant other is terribly hurt or upset, especially when you are the cause of it. So I grabbed my keys and left. Really I just wanted to get out of the house to have a good cry and scream a little, without any witnesses. I was gone for less then 20 minutes, and was surprised to see that he had gone out looking for me. Sometimes I feel like he doesn't show very many feelings of caring, so for him to leave and look for me was a pleasant surprise, and calmed me down right away.
We went back to the bedroom and talked, he finally started to understand how he had made me feel, and felt bad about choosing his game over me. We did end up getting intimate, with a tiny bit of his kink play. The next night went well, with him staying away from his game and giving me a lot of his time. We were intimate again, which is surprising seeing as usually at least three days go in between if not a lot longer. I'm wondering as I sit here if I can convince him to go for three nights in a row?? I'm doubtful, but hopeful at the same time.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Husband Woes (1)- Intro
This I'm sure will be the first post of many in a series titled 'Husband Woes'.
My husband is not the father of the children, but has been in their life as step-dad for over 5 years. You'd think by now he'd have things down pat. But sadly this is not the case. Some of our biggest arguments are over his treatment of the kids. He is not abusive, but he's not very loving either. He says he loves them, yet his actions don't usually reflect this. He is quick to temper, with a threshold of patience at a minimum. Little things irritate him. Maybe it's how he was raised, maybe it's his heritage. He is of a heritage that is known for fast, loud tempers. He's definately a 'yeller'.
Many days I find myself at my wits ends in dealing with him.
I've had many talks with him, where I threaten divorce if his attitude doesn't change. Sometimes it seems like he's trying, other times it seems as if he's not.
I love this man so much, he has become a part of who I am. But at times I feel as if I could hate him for his treatment of the kids.
So most of our fights are about how he treats the kids, and if it's not that, then it's usually about sex. I am a very sexual person, he doesn't seem to be. A good example of this.... on our *8 day 7 night honeymoon, we had sex ONE time. 0.o And not because I didn't want it more.
Sometimes I think it's because he's not a sexual person, other times i think it's just because he's not attracted to me. He swears he is very attracted to me, but he's my husband, he has to say that. I know I've caught him masturbating a couple times, which I wouldn't mind normally, except that I am always wanting sex, and not getting it. Why must he waste it?? I think I could count on one hand how many times I've turned him down in our whole relationship, and it was always because I didn't feel well. He has turned me away many times, seemingly for no reason at all, besides just not wanting me.
Maybe our sex life is too boring for him, maybe I should think of ways to spice it up. Funny thing is, I'm extremely kinky and would be willing to try just about anything! He does have a kink, and I've tried many times to explore this kink with him, he definately gets very excited when I do something that follows along this kink. But this is not a kink of mine, so I'm very unsure of myself when I go along with it. What will and what will not turn him on?? Just because it is not my kink, doesn't mean that it doesn't turn me on, it does. It does because one of my many fetishes is turning him on. I love to turn men on, to watch/feel them get hard, to take them to that point where there is no turning back. Where if you then were to refuse them, most men would be unable, or at least it would be extremely hard for them to stop. To bring out the animal in them. I have had many thoughts about out of the blue just going to my husband and initiating this kink of his, but like I said I am unsure of myself and still need some sort of encouragement from him to bring the kink into play. I don't know what it is that gets him so worked up about this kink, and when I asked him, he cannot tell me, so I'm always afraid I'll do it wrong. Maybe later I'll search some blogs and see if I can find others that have this same kink. Maybe I can learn something that will benefit my husband by reading what others enjoy.
I am leery about saying what this kink is, because it is not my business to tell the world of my husbands kink. I am trying to make this an anonymous blog, but what if someone can figure it out? Maybe as I write and time goes on, I'll be a little more confident that no one we know would figure out who this is. Until that time, I will just call it his kink. Although I imagine that when we next explore this kink, it will be hard to tell you all about it, without revealing what the kink is.
In any case, our sex life is great when we have it, it feels great and I almost always have an orgasm or two or more. It's just that it is not as often as I'd like.
Well for now that is about all I wish to talk about concerning my husband, but rest assured there will be many more posts on him in the future.
*I'm a very forgetful person, so our honey moon time might have been a little less, but it was close to that
My husband is not the father of the children, but has been in their life as step-dad for over 5 years. You'd think by now he'd have things down pat. But sadly this is not the case. Some of our biggest arguments are over his treatment of the kids. He is not abusive, but he's not very loving either. He says he loves them, yet his actions don't usually reflect this. He is quick to temper, with a threshold of patience at a minimum. Little things irritate him. Maybe it's how he was raised, maybe it's his heritage. He is of a heritage that is known for fast, loud tempers. He's definately a 'yeller'.
Many days I find myself at my wits ends in dealing with him.
I've had many talks with him, where I threaten divorce if his attitude doesn't change. Sometimes it seems like he's trying, other times it seems as if he's not.
I love this man so much, he has become a part of who I am. But at times I feel as if I could hate him for his treatment of the kids.
So most of our fights are about how he treats the kids, and if it's not that, then it's usually about sex. I am a very sexual person, he doesn't seem to be. A good example of this.... on our *8 day 7 night honeymoon, we had sex ONE time. 0.o And not because I didn't want it more.
Sometimes I think it's because he's not a sexual person, other times i think it's just because he's not attracted to me. He swears he is very attracted to me, but he's my husband, he has to say that. I know I've caught him masturbating a couple times, which I wouldn't mind normally, except that I am always wanting sex, and not getting it. Why must he waste it?? I think I could count on one hand how many times I've turned him down in our whole relationship, and it was always because I didn't feel well. He has turned me away many times, seemingly for no reason at all, besides just not wanting me.
Maybe our sex life is too boring for him, maybe I should think of ways to spice it up. Funny thing is, I'm extremely kinky and would be willing to try just about anything! He does have a kink, and I've tried many times to explore this kink with him, he definately gets very excited when I do something that follows along this kink. But this is not a kink of mine, so I'm very unsure of myself when I go along with it. What will and what will not turn him on?? Just because it is not my kink, doesn't mean that it doesn't turn me on, it does. It does because one of my many fetishes is turning him on. I love to turn men on, to watch/feel them get hard, to take them to that point where there is no turning back. Where if you then were to refuse them, most men would be unable, or at least it would be extremely hard for them to stop. To bring out the animal in them. I have had many thoughts about out of the blue just going to my husband and initiating this kink of his, but like I said I am unsure of myself and still need some sort of encouragement from him to bring the kink into play. I don't know what it is that gets him so worked up about this kink, and when I asked him, he cannot tell me, so I'm always afraid I'll do it wrong. Maybe later I'll search some blogs and see if I can find others that have this same kink. Maybe I can learn something that will benefit my husband by reading what others enjoy.
I am leery about saying what this kink is, because it is not my business to tell the world of my husbands kink. I am trying to make this an anonymous blog, but what if someone can figure it out? Maybe as I write and time goes on, I'll be a little more confident that no one we know would figure out who this is. Until that time, I will just call it his kink. Although I imagine that when we next explore this kink, it will be hard to tell you all about it, without revealing what the kink is.
In any case, our sex life is great when we have it, it feels great and I almost always have an orgasm or two or more. It's just that it is not as often as I'd like.
Well for now that is about all I wish to talk about concerning my husband, but rest assured there will be many more posts on him in the future.
*I'm a very forgetful person, so our honey moon time might have been a little less, but it was close to that
Introduction
Well, I have decided to make this blog for several reasons. First I have so many things on my mind, second I wanted a place to vent that is totally anonymous, third maybe posting about some of my thoughts and ideas will help me to take action on them. I don't know if anyone will ever read this blog, since my intention is for this whole thing to be a secret from family and friends. However the idea that every now and then someone will happen along this blog and make a comment or two, that is honest even if it is rude is very intriguing to me. See when you are surrounded by people that love you, they tend to sugar coat things. Now you wouldn't want the people you love and care about to say nasty things to you, but at the same time it's hard to know what the 'truth' about matters are.
Let me tell you a few things about me. I am a thirty something woman, although at times my heart feels 15 and my body feels 80. I have kids, yet as I age my tolerance for kids becomes less. I am happily married, yet sometimes feel like the marriage is doomed. I do not work out of the home, yet sometimes I am away from my home for a week at a time. I am an online college student close to graduation, yet sooooo far away. I have health issues, that sometimes hold me back, yet will never hold me down. I rarely finish things I start, but often finish things others start. I'm pretty even tempered although at times my temper flares. My likes and dislikes seem to change alot, yet my values seem pretty constant. I'm lazy, yet my drive is high. As you can tell sometimes I'm firm, yet other times I'm very wishy-washy. I set goals that I never meet, yet meet goals I never set. I'm perfectly sane, yet my insanity drives people crazy. Often I am happy and content, and often I am depressed and discontent. I'm your average Jane, and married to the average Joe. I am the superstar you know, and married to the superstar you'd like to know. I am all of these things, yet master of none!
Let me tell you a few things about me. I am a thirty something woman, although at times my heart feels 15 and my body feels 80. I have kids, yet as I age my tolerance for kids becomes less. I am happily married, yet sometimes feel like the marriage is doomed. I do not work out of the home, yet sometimes I am away from my home for a week at a time. I am an online college student close to graduation, yet sooooo far away. I have health issues, that sometimes hold me back, yet will never hold me down. I rarely finish things I start, but often finish things others start. I'm pretty even tempered although at times my temper flares. My likes and dislikes seem to change alot, yet my values seem pretty constant. I'm lazy, yet my drive is high. As you can tell sometimes I'm firm, yet other times I'm very wishy-washy. I set goals that I never meet, yet meet goals I never set. I'm perfectly sane, yet my insanity drives people crazy. Often I am happy and content, and often I am depressed and discontent. I'm your average Jane, and married to the average Joe. I am the superstar you know, and married to the superstar you'd like to know. I am all of these things, yet master of none!
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